


War

by windhaven



Series: Post-Game [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 12:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15267957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windhaven/pseuds/windhaven
Summary: The game has been won, there is a new universe and all the post-and pre-scratch troll and kid players are living in one big hivehouse for some reason. Everyone is God Tier.





	1. Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia and Terezi theorize something.

"Hmm, that sounds great in theory!"

"Okay, now we need a test subject!"

"I volunteer Karkat."

"Yes! Saving the word from Karkat's shouty ramblings, one second at a time!"

"What are you two doing!!??"

"Aradia and I are trying to figure out how to use our powers to stop the mental perception of time."


	2. Ethics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some decide to fight.

"I agree! Peace is great and all, but our fighting skills are getting out of shape!"

"Yeah! What's the use of having awesome powers if we don't use them to beat each other up?"

"So, it's going to be an all-out, no-holds-barred ultimate showdown?"

"Oh no! There will have to be some rules. For example, no psychic powers. If I used my psychic powers, I can slice everyone's heads clean off in a milisecond, down to the exact picosecond. And that would be no fun at all! Not to mention what Vriska and other Vriska can do. Or Sollux and other Sollux, for that matter. There's probably some God Tier powers that are dangerous, too. Thief of Life! You can steal everyone's life until they're dead, right?"

"Yeah, that's the only way to do it, in my book."

"You're probably overpowered."

"Huh? Shell no."

"Feferi, too. Dave, your dancestor can destroy souls, right? That doesn't sound good."

"It doesn't I guess huh."

"Yeah, what does it mean to destroy souls?"

"What happens if my soul is destroyed?"

"Will I be an empty shell?"

"I don't want my soul destroyed."

"What is a soul?"

"Do I have a soul?"


	3. Construction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Roxy construct the space, with the help of Equius and Horuss.

"Light defines the rules; however, to Void, the rules mean nothing. The firmament stretches out through the void, which is nothing. And the thing is nothing. ...there's nothing much to be said about the nothing. We must form this construct in nonexistent space."

"Yeah, what mom said!"

"We really should stop calling each other mom."

"Sure, I feel you! Aight, how about si-ski?"

"..."


	4. Medics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Feferi help out.

"Jane? I thought you weren't going to participate."

"No, I'm not. I'm here just in case someone manages to die heroically or justly for some reason."

"Is that really going to happen?"

"Murphy's Law."

"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong."

"That's sort of glum..."

"No it's not! It also means that whatever can go right, will go right!"

"Or, whatever can happen, will happen."


	5. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fighters gather.

"All the alpha trolls are fighting, but us beta trolls...all our trolls are chumps. Except Latuna, bless them, but they think it's just a game. And that's why I want someone to spar with, but no one would - except you. But I hate you."

"*sex in Japanese*"

"No, I hate you _platonically_."

"*the first stage of kismesisstude is denial -*"

"Oh glub don't bring up what they taught us in class. Glub you platonically. Hey, Karkat! Let me go over there to you, buddy!"

"At least I have friends," Aradia had said.

The ones that have others to talk to are intimidating.

How do you people, again? You used to sit there smiling sweetly until someone talked to you, but all the people here know you. Un-peopling is easy. You talk about sex until they go away, and that worked with everyone but Mituna, but Mituna got easier when he got stupid. But now he was healed, fuck. You wish peopling was as easy as un-peopling.

And contrary to popular belief, you are perfectly capable of not talking about sex.

There's only one other troll who is alone.

He glares at you.

You grab him by the scarf.

"What the everloving glub, rustblood, get your dirty hands off of me before I -"

"I. Very. Sweet. Person."


	6. Dysfunction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan tries to recruit Damara as a morail.

"Feferi, I'm sorry, after all I did to you, kill me, kill me, please."

"What-why? Why would I want to do that??"

"I kill Meenah. Meenah kill me. We even. Eridan kill you. You kill Eridan. You even."

"We have those fights going on, maybe we can fight there. Me with my crosshairs, you with your culling fork -"

"You would obliterate me in seconds with your ranged weapon, Eridan."

"Oh glub, all right I don't have to have a weapon, you can just beat me up -"

"That's horrible!"

"What about God Tier powers? I can -"

"Shush, I can extinguish your life with a thought. By the way, Damara...you and Eridan...?"

"Friend."

"...I think there's more to friendship than dragging them around by the scarf and calling them your friend, Damara!"

"..."

"I love your dress, by the way."

"I hate you." *dramatic exit in Japanese*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moral of the story: never take relationship advice from Damara


	7. Battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damara and Eridan verbally fight. Shenanigans ensue.

"She very sweet landdwelling gutterblood scum."

"Domo arigato, seadweller. You facepalm."

"All landdwellers should -" 

"Now, Eridan. I must warn you first of all that I am not quite as familiar with the forms of opression on Alternia, because firsty, I have spent my whole life assiduously studying Beforan society, and the more uncomplicated forms of oppression on Alternia don't merit nearly as much scholary study. However, it seems that I must take it upon myself to problematize the Alternian hemocaste regardless. ...Eridan, you and I are going to have so much fun together. Now, first, I must problematize the notion that all landdwellers must be killed. It betrays the fact that you believe warmblooded lives to be essentially worthless. Sometimes trolls make the mistake of trivializing the value of troll life. You must understand that this is a problem."

"Everyone, grab some grubcorn. Kk2 is taking on ed."

"Aah, so many things to be problematized. For example, your genocidal tendencies."

"Did he just say genocide is problematic."

"Kankri, you don't need to problematize it. We all already know that's a problem."

"Things that most trolls consider well and solved are often the things in the most dire need of problematizing. Now,"

"Uuh...this is...I must say...exquisitely..."

"Oh god, I order you to not get off on Kankri's lectures."

"Kankri, there is easy way to destroy hemospectrum. Destroy troll race."

"Damara Megido. Problematically perpetuating the orientalist sterotype of sexualized warmbloods as violent threats to the social order."

"Fuck, what are you even fucking saying?"

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck. Fuck. I will...fuck you! Fuck fuck fuck. Weird word."

"Oh god, what did you teach Damara."

"What are you fucking talking about, there's nothing left in the world to teach her."

"Haha, look at that. She's giving fucks like it's free candy. Hey, I get you. We're both masters of the weird time shit."

"I very sweet person."

"That's right, your saccharine levels are so high, I'm fucking dying from diabetes over here. Hahahahahaha, you're the best troll."


End file.
